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For me, Sutures started when I was at a very low point in my career. Not much going on. We weren't gigging all that much. I hadn't written a new song in what seemed to be a very long time and I was afraid it was over. I wondered how long we could expect our wonderful crowd to keep coming to shows when we didn't have much new to bring to stage. Not even a new song, let alone a new CD. I kept trying to tell myself that it had been a fun run... a really fun run... and just like smart, realistic athletes, you gotta know when to walk off the field. And it's funny that I kept thinking about athletes during that time, because I'm not into sports per se... but I kept feeling in my gut what it must be like for a pro player to leave the field or the court for that last time... and never again to know the smells and the sounds and the feel of his or her arena "AS a player" doing something that must come so naturally. I give athletes all the credit in the world to be able to "retire" with grace and dignity and to KNOW when they should. And to be able to take those physical steps away. I was so sad. My heart was breaking for them. And I knew my heart was breaking for myself. Something was dying inside. The sadness was overwhelming. And I wasn't writing. And that was killing me. Well, I was writing, but I wasn't writing well. I was dry, I was sad and I was mourning. I was an athlete ready to give a press conference.
One day I was thinking back to a conversation I had with Penn Jillette (Penn & Teller)... you know Penn... he's the big one who talks. I met Penn through Kramer in '97. Kramer produced my second CD It's a Scream . Penn and Kramer are friends and when I would go to NYC for a gig or to visit Kramer after "Scream", I would stay at Penn's place. He was always on tour, so his apartment in the city was available. (He has a really big bed... like you gotta jump up to get on it -- big) And then one time Penn came home. And I met Penn. And we became email buddies after that weekend and have seen each other a few times here and there. Well, never "here", always "there".
Anyway, I had plans to visit Penn one time in Chicago in '98 and he was telling me their show schedule for that particular week. He said something like "Monday we have a show, Tuesday we have a show, Wednesday we're dark, Thursday we have a show"... So I said what do you mean "dark"? He explained to me that in showbiz, "dark" means there isn't a show that night... the stage is dark. I'm paraphrasing here... trust me. Penn speaks with real flare and intelligence. I'm paraphrasing. I immediately liked the word "dark" as it related to the image it con jured up in my brain. I filed it away. I knew it would surface again at some point.
That "point" came some five years later. Two babies later. A full life being a Mommy later. My one year old and three year old -- later. My dry spell -- later. I was so incredibly happy being a Mommy. My kids bring me more joy than is imaginable, but I don't write from a source of "joy", I guess. Well, if you know my music, I'm probably not divulging secrets here.
Although I was very happy on a daily basis with my children, I was devastated at the thought of not writing, not performing much, not seeing my bandmates much. We are all raising families now and that in itself leaves little time for writing, practicing, recording, gigging and generally being creative. When you have to go to your closet to work at night so you won't wake anyone up... well, enough said.
And the sadness wasn't leaving.
Then one day... right in the midst of a flurry of activity in my house happening around me... the image of that stage without lights came back. That dark stage with nothing happening on that Wednesday evening came back. And I knew that stage was my stage. And I knew it was dark. And at that point I picked up my guitar and started writing "When It's Dark". My kids were running in and out of my room and the words still flowed and the song was coming and the melody was there and just at a point in the chorus after I say "who's gonna care what never mends"... my three year old said "Mommy, why don't you say who's gonna be last at the end?" And she just stood there looking at me. And then she said "And here is how you spell it Mommy. A, E, O, eh eh eh!". And then she ran out of the room laughing. And I sat there with my guitar and couldn't imagine a better line. I was amazed. I couldn't even move my face from the expression it was making. It was perfect. The line and my facial expression, I bet. Who's gonna be last at the end. And you apparently spell it "A, E, O, eh eh eh!". What could be better? I was writing a song about my music demise and my three year old just wrote the perfect line... who's gonna be last at the end. It was perfect. And from there, "When It's Dark" saw a little light. And so did I.
As I was writing "When It's Dark", I kept thinking of Lij, the producer I worked with on Velveteen Girl. I kept thinking it's a song I would like to give to Lij to see how he would produce it. But I knew I couldn't work with Lij on just one song. Well, I could. But I didn't know what I would do with just one song. So, I filed the Lij thought away. I finished "When It's Dark" and that was it for a while. No more writing. Just a little mirage in the drought of writer's block. But man I was happy to have written. Just a tad less thirsty.
Then it was the summer of '03 and I was walking with the kids a lot, pushing my one year old in a stroller... my three year old bouncing beside us. For whatever reason, I started saying phrases like "Pour me out" and "30 days I crashed your party" while pushing the stroller. And each time I took the kids for a walk, this is how I worked on what became 40 Days. I added ten days over that summer. No guitar... yet. Just melody and words while pushing the stroller and walking next to my little girl. I never even wrote down the words. I was just going over it and over it and over it. It wasn't really coming together, but for some reason I was compelled to sing the parts I had... over and over and over again. My poor kids. Summer ended. The song didn't. It wasn't going anywhere... just pieces. 30 plus 10 pieces I guess.
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Then the Fall... and then we rounded the corner to Winter. And Scotty (bass player/bandmate) called one Friday night, late. Whenever the phone rings late on a Friday night, I know it's Scotty.
We had kicked the idea around of recording another CD, but it would be a CD of songs we've done for years, but have never recorded. There are a number of songs we do in our live show, but have never taken to the studio like "Just Somewhat Hostile" and the band version of "Cigar Song" to name two. So, I had talked to the guys about the possibility of going to Nashville to work with Lij to do "When It's Dark" and also a bunch of other songs never recorded.
With this in mind, Scotty called this one Friday night and said he'd been thinking about one of my songs called "Occupy Your Mind". He made the suggestion of singing the phrase "occupy your mind" at the beginning of the song 3 or 4 times. It was a simple suggestion, really, but when he sang that with a new bass part (which I strained to hear via the phone), something kicked in. Something big kicked in. And I started working on rewriting "Occupy Your Mind". I mean, really rewriting it. Keeping the verses, and the chorus, but adding a pre-chorus and a bridge and... rewriting it. Oh, I was excited. And Scotty and I talked every night. I was in my closet... where I also keep this ancient boom box next to me. I bought my beloved boom box in 1986. My friend Randy helped me pick it out right before he died. Yes, it's a very old boom box that my dying friend Randy helped me pick out. I'm never getting rid of the boom box. And every song you've ever heard from me was first recorded on this boom box. It plays cassettes only and has a built in mic for recording. The speakers no longer stay connected to either side. They are always tumbled on the ground near the base. But this is a major tool I use with my writing. And it's home is in my closet.
So getting back to the story...
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I was in my closet with my guitar in hand and my boom box not too far from me (nothing is too far away in a closet). I don't know where Scotty was except for being on the other end of the phone line. Every night. And each night I would tell him what new parts I had come up with for "Occupy Your Mind" and he would play new bass parts and each time we talked the song progressed and something was opening up inside of me. Something was starting to breathe again. I was writing again and liking what I was writing. And I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone every night.
This was the turning point. "When It's Dark" got my feet walking, and "Occupy Your MInd" allowed me to turn some corner. And just around that bend in the road was "Sutures", the song.
"Sutures" was a little closet ditty I was starting to like. And I liked how it sounded on the box. And my band liked how it sounded in person even though I prefaced playing it with saying "I think this is probably just a solo song... but here goes". The band immediately started getting arrangement ideas and this was the impetus for me to finish "Sutures".
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| Jayne working to finish "Sutures" | |
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| Jayne having just finished "Sutures" |
The first batch of songs we tracked with Lij were "When It's Dark", "40 Days", "Occupy Your MInd" and "Sutures". I finished "40 Days" at the same time I was writing "Sutures". Once I took 40 days to my closet, it rolled.
The second batch of songs tackled were "Fragile", "Perfect Day", "Push Your Pull", "Twisted Ballerina" and "Could Have Learned". I don't want to bore you with too much detail about each song, but suffice to say they were all written in the summer of 2004, except for "Twisted Ballerina" which was written in 1997.
A big chunk of "Fragile" (Drops of Anesthesia) was written at Coney Island in Cincinnati. We took the kids for the day and the song was in my brain and as we walked around from ride to ride I was going over it in my head. My husband kept looking at me as I mouthed the words to "something", but he didn't even ask me. He knew it was a song. I did this the entire time at Coney Island.
"Push Your Pull" was one of those songs that emerged quickly. It almost wrote itself. Actually, upon our return from the first visit to Nashville... I w as on the very last leg... last nail of the last toe actually... heading down my own street to finally get home around midnight... and it was during that drive down my street when I started singing "I suck the air right out of this room". Even though I was exhausted from the first session in Nashville and the lack of sleep and the long drive home... I still retreated to my closet to start writing "Push Your Pull" after dropping my luggage on the bed and checking in on the kids. "Push Your Pull" slipped right out.
"Could Have Learned" was started in the car also... this time on my way to Steve's one Saturday morning. I was meeting Steve and Lij at Steve's house for the tracking of some guitars on the first batch of tunes. Lij had agreed to come up, so we could concentrate on just Steve's guitars at Steve's house. It helped us immensely the few times Lij was able to drive up. Getting down to Nashville wasn't always the easiest to arrange. So, as I was heading to Steve's that morning. I was deep in thought and started singing what would become the chorus to "Could Have Learned". I called my sister Leslie to tell her some of the lyrics because I knew she would understand. For a more in-depth understanding of this song, you may want to check out the "About Jayne" section of the site.
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Anyway, after my first burst of thoughts concerning "Could Have Learned", I then worked hard to finish it. This was a song I worked on every time I took the kids to one certain park. I would be behind them at the swings pushing both of them at the same time and singing "Could Have Learned" over and over until it was written. There were many trips to that park last summer and I will forever associate this song with that park. And in a way, that fits... given the song.
"Twisted Ballerina" was written many years ago. It was a song that I considered recording for the It's a Scream CD, but am glad I waited. It was a song I wrote quickly and while standing up for some reason. I cried a lot while writing this song, somehow relating to the horror and trauma molested children must experience. I stopped performing "Twisted Ballerina" for several years. It's such an intense song that many people can't help but react strongly to it. I felt I was upsetting too many people during shows when I played it, so I let it rest for a long while. I started performing it again in 2003, but it wasn't until Kim, an outgoing, full of personality cocktail waitress at Canal Street Tavern in Dayton asked me when it was going to be on a CD. My conversation with Kim that particular night is the main reason "Twisted Ballerina" is on Sutures. And I'm glad for it.
"Give Me Your Eyes" was written on a Saturday afternoon, in my closet, three days after meeting Johnnie Wilder Jr... former lead singer for the band Heatwave. You may remember grooving to that 70's party song "Boogie Nights" and slow dancing to the hit ballad "Always and Forever"... if you're a baby boomer that is. Johnnie Wilder Jr. is from Dayton and ironically lives very close to me, which was a surprise. And I should mention Johnnie is a quadriplegic. At the height of Heatwave's success in 1979 a tragic car accident here in Dayton all but took his life, leaving him unable to move from the neck down.
My friend Jim Boz of WCSU-radio took me to Johnnie's house on an August night for the purpose of recording our conversation. Boz is writing a book about Johnnie and wanted to get excerpts while a musician talked to Johnnie about "music". Johnnie and I talked and talked that evening. I met his wife Roz as well. Roz is Johnnie's full time care giver. It was so apparent on that Wednesday night/way into Thursday day (Johnnie sleeps all day and is awake all night)... that Roz and Johnnie have a special partnership. I was so moved by Johnnie and his positive outlook on his condition and his life that I couldn't stop thinking about him. I thought of all the things a quadriplegic like Johnnie could give in a relationship... his eyes, voice, mind, truth along with the ability to teach patience and bravery. I started writing "Give Me Your Eyes".
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Just about a week later I played the song for Johnnie at Central State University, where he teaches students about music production in CSU's multi-track studio.
No one in the room knew the song I was playing was written because of Johnnie. My hands were shaking, my voice was weak. I was so nervous because I had written this song with Johnnie in mind and there he was in front of me. I wanted to get his opinion on possibly producing it accapella for my CD. Johnnie has become a well known producer in the genre of accapella gospel music. This song certainly isn't that... but I thought it could be done accapella. So I played it for Johnnie and he seemed to like it. The one comment he mentioned was that he wanted to hear a developed chorus in there. And the only thing I could think to say was something like "I can understand what you're saying, but I've said all I wanted to say in the song". To me, I knew the song was done. But I love that Johnnie thought there could be more.
A week or two later, Boz told Johnnie the song was inspired by him. Boz told me Johnnie was happy about that.
From there the production of "Give Me Your Eyes" went from the possible accapella version to the idea of a full symphonic arrangement... and Boz and I worked for the rest of the summer into Fall to try and make that happen. We thought we had the right people on board and at the last minute the plans fell apart. That is a very long story. It was all set to go. Lij came up to Dayton for it. And it fell apart. But, we were still able to record drums that w eekend here in Dayton... and then on his own, Steve put down some of his best work to date... and from there it got finished in Nashville.
"Give Me Your Eyes" will forever be a special song... for me.
I've mentioned all the songs on Sutures except for "Perfect Day" and "Celebrate Yourself".
"Perfect Day" is an example of how I feel my writing has evolved. For this CD, it seems as if I wrote more pre-choruses than ever before. A pre-chorus is the section of a song that happens right before a chorus... thus, the "pre". There are songwriters out there who are masters at writing pre-choruses. And there was a time not too long ago when I was checking out music and how certain songwriters use pre-choruses. And it was during that time that I had a conversation with Scotty about pre-choruses and I mentioned to him that I wished I could write them into my songs more often. You see, I never contemplate a song prior to writing it. I write it as I think about it. There isn't ever any premeditation. Not ever. And there wasn't this time around. But as I started writing songs for Sutures, I began to realize that I was writing with pre-choruses. Ain't that something how things can slip in and surprise you when you're not thinking about it?
"Perfect Day" has a pre-chorus that I was immediately attracted to... "I'm hearing your voice 5 or 6 hundred miles away. I should've known you didn't care what I was dreaming about anyway". And each time the pre-chorus happens in this song, it is the same melody with different lyrics. Some of the other songs on Sutures, however, don't even have a structure. Like "Sutures". And "Give Me Your Eyes" doesn't even have a chorus... sorry Mr. Wilder Jr. Hope you like it anyway. Then there are songs with prominent pre-choruses like "Occupy Your Mind", "Perfect Day", "Push Your Pull", "Fragile"...hey, am I boring you yet? The bottom line I guess is that I've been a songwriter for a long time now and I'm just now kind of getting the hang of pre-choruses. I'm a slow learner perhaps?
Speaking of learning... I learned a great deal as I was writing the song "Celebrate Yourself". It was the last song written for Sutures and the last song on the CD. It was finished just a few days before my last session in Nashville and I'm so thankful I finished it at the last minute... just in the nick of time. While writing "Celebrate Yourself", I thought about a few people who've had extremely rough situations to overcome. And for me, it was the first time I've EVER thought to congratulate myself for what I've come through and to accept how it's changed me and to celebrate that person I've become... because of it.
"Lay your head down on your ashes" is an extremely important line to me with the ashes being those "things" in the past that you and I have forged through. We've all come through situations and we're who we are because of them. Congratulations to you and congratulations to me. Let's celebrate.
And now it's time for the Jayne Sachs Band to celebrate the completion of Sutures.
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The recording process started in late March of '04 and was finished in Jan. of '05. We recorded at The Toy Box in Nashville at Lij's house/studio with Lij producing. The initial idea was to record most of the songs as a band and do quick overdubs (extra tracking) later. But once I started writing all of these new songs and there was the potential to have a fairly dynamic CD (we were hoping anyway), the production changed to a more detailed approach.
Even with the new direction, I grossly miscalculated how long tracking would take. And I HAD done three albums prior. What was I thinking? And I had worked with Lij a few years earlier. What was I thinking? My three previous CDs all took varying amounts of time to record. Faye's Flower took 5 months, I think. It's A Scream took 6 days, and on the 7th day Kramer rested (that's been a joke of mine for years) and Velveteen Girl took a few weeks (spread out over a year and a half because I grew a baby during that time).
But with Sutures, it was obvious that it was going to take more time than I originally anticipated because our schedules prevented us from working more than three consecutive days per visit, but also we had to coordinate those days when everyone was available. Sometimes months passed before the next session.
...And then there is the Lij factor.
Lij is an extremely talented producer (he's been called brilliant...I just think he makes kick ass coffee) who is demanding along with being a perfectionist and will explore many and all options for a song and will take hours upon hours to get perfect drum sounds before recording that first hit... or that amazing guitar tone... I mean hours upon hours. It's grueling. Flat out grueling. Lij will never settle... and that's a good thing. And he's sort of like a musical visionary who has incredible ears that can pick out such things like the slightest of the slightest of the slightest intonation problem with a guitar we're using for tracking or when a single note of a guitar line will end up conflicting with bass in the final mix... he's on it. Lij is amazing. And this all takes time. I hired Lij because I knew he would "Lij it up" and I knew we were in the right hands.
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My bandmates did an incredible job given the circumstances. This was the first time Steve and Scott had recorded with me since It's A Scream in 1997 and this was Kelly's first time recording with us on a CD, period. I think we were all extremely excited to do this project and we all obviously wanted a great outcome. And it was the first time these guys had worked with a producer like Lij. They were "Lij virgins".
I was amazed that Kelly could take Lij's directions so effortlessly and was able to remember a ton of information every time Lij communicated with him during drum tracking. Lij has a way of quickly going through changes he would like to hear and Kelly literally didn't miss a beat while Lij fired off things for Kelly to remember and then to execute. And he had to play drums for hours upon hours... take after take after take after take... Kelly was professional and eager to take Lij's suggestions and worked like a real pro. I was proud of him.
Both times Scott recorded in Nashville, he had to study for tests. Scott is studying to become a nurse and it so happened that both times he came to Nashville he also had to fit studying into an already packed studio schedule. With only getting a few hours of sleep, Scott would wake up before the rest of us and go down to the continental breakfast area and get out the books. That is how Scott's days started... but when it came time to trade his books for his bass, he was 100 percent into the studio work. I've always been amazed at Scotty's work ethic. He's dedicated and creative and sensitive and truly gives his all. He's a great player and watching him track bass is like watching water flow. There's something effortless there. It's real natural. He's real natural.
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And what can I say about Steve? I have a deep connection to Steve and to what he brings to the project. I've always looked to Steve for answers... how to make something better. He's been a solid foundation for me and for the Jayne Sachs Band since he came on board and I respect him immensely. So when he was getting frustrated during the recording of Sutures, it was a real problem that I felt needed to be addressed immediately. Steve had to sit in the Lij "hot seat" more than the other guys because he had more tracking to do. Once drums and bass are recorded, the guitars not only gel it all together but they flavor a song with different licks, different tones, different textures...all recorded separately.
A lot was riding on Steve's creative input. And working with Lij was a real challenge for Steve. Many times Steve was all set to record something he had already worked out, but Lij wanted to change it. It was difficult to see our reserved Steve holding all of his frustration in and doing his best to stay positive and open minded. I knew on a few occasions, he was ready to blow. And bolt. But in perfect Steve fashion, he stayed with it and remained open minded and professional. And when it was all said and done, he was the first to call me with his review of the finished product in a phone message I'll never forget. He told me he thought it was "stunning". This is Steve. He is a perfect gem.
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I spent my own time in the proverbial "hot seat". Recording with Lij is challenging... especially with vocals. Lij likes to do two tons of takes and then he combines the best lines... sometimes just words... or even parts of words... and comps them together. He pushes and pushes to get the best performance from you as he hears it. And sometimes what Lij hears isn't what is natural for the artist. So, like Steve, I had to remain open minded as well with the occasional "putting the foot down". My last session in Nashville consisted of tracking lead vocals and background vocals for seven songs. Seven songs. Almost impossible. No, make that impossible.
I was alone in Nashville and Lij and I worked our asses off to get all those vocals down. Sometimes doing the background harmony parts took longer than recording the leads. Some of the songs on Sutures have harmonies that may sound effortless, but took us HOURS to come up with. Lij is great with note choices. I knew I was in the right hands as we were coming up with background vocals. It was just very time consuming. And then, I had to perform. It was like having to run a marathon after sprinting all day. Very difficult.
And when we would take breaks, I think I just let lose. I really enjoyed hanging out with Lij and drinking gallons of coffee and telling stories. He's a cool guy and I was sad when the last session ended... even though I was ready to crawl out of there and sleep for a month. Instead I got into my car a few hours after leaving The Toy Box, with only 2 hours of sleep... on the exact day that the blizzard of '04 hit. What would have been a five hour drive took 11 1/2 hours... in a rental car, clenching the steering wheel and driving in weather that no one should drive through with cars flipped over everywhere and people dying on the roads.
This is how the sessions for Sutures ended. A reminder that the world is tough and life is precious and no matter how wrapped up we had gotten in the recording of Sutures, it's only music.
I want to thank everyone who has touched this project. It may be "only music" but it is a part of my soul... For you... now on CD.
My best,
Jayne
More about Sutures: Lij's Thoughts | Steve's Thoughts | Scott's Thoughts | Kelly's Thoughts
